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“Compassion is to look beyond your own pain, to see the pain of others.”
There have been a handful of people who have touched the depths of my soul. And at times, the very resonance scares the living daylights out of me. What if faced with circumstances that test the exact reasons for your bond? What if life decides to expose a side of yours you weren’t anticipating? Would you pass the conundrum? You see, I am the kind of person who thinks when no one else is thinking and feels when no one else is feeling. I just need you to surprise (shock) me with a situation and I get into all Terminator mode. Oh, don’t worry. I ain’t scanning you for a true match (or am I?), but I am scanning your brain for the next words uttered. Careful, your next choice of words might just be mine (me: mentally pre-playing the conversation already decided on your behalf).
It is very easy to feel compassion for a stranger. But what happens when a loved one has hurt you? How do you deal with the pain? How do you move past it? Do you become a monster as a result of it? During these times, I try to assess the situation, unbiasedly, and to the best of my ability. When faced with grim pitfalls, I tend to think logically and reason it out while keeping my emotions inaccessible. But those very feelings come to haunt me when in solitude. Those dreaded momentary pauses in between conversations. The failed attempts at numbing out the hurt. I used to assert my actions over theirs in my head. I would substitute my words in exchange for theirs had I been in their place. But was I right about doing so? Was I justified? Everyone processes a given situation uniquely. But what if one isn’t as accommodating as one would have hoped for?
Mind you, there are people whose actions and words are premeditated, insensitive, and selfish. I am not advocating naïveté and delusion in any way, shape or form. One must use their discerning judgment based on people and situations. I am referring to those who have no malicious intent. They are just in a hurting phase in their life and need guidance and acceptance. Now, the plot thickens. Have you moved past your pain as a result of their actions or words? Does the past define your present actions? One can’t expect a person to respond or react similarly as we all comprehend life with varied intensities. All we can do is to be understanding and give them time to heal. Give yourself time to heal. Mull over your own thoughts and emotions and how best to handle them.
Being compassionate doesn’t mean you haven’t felt pain or hurt. The beauty lies in the fact that you dispel darkness instead of letting it consume you whole. Your heart hasn’t turned into coal because someone else’s was. You are choosing to look beyond the pain experienced. Of not allowing life to dictate your character and personality. We have all been wronged at some point in our lives but we have all been defaulters at some point too. If we were granted compassion in the past, why not pay it forward to the one desperately working towards forgiveness? Being empathetic is a boon to possess in a world that propagates revenge and unrest. Would you like to join that budding community? Would you like to make a positive difference for the people who love you? For a heart that has truly felt anguish would never inflict the same on another.
P.S. Thank you to my fellow bloggers and writers for visiting my Instagram page. It was heart-warming to see familiar faces.
I have been misunderstood aplenty;
Not for a lack of spoken words;
Rather, for the misinterpretation of my deep-rooted thoughts;
But now, I have learnt to grow solemnly quiet;
For a heart can stay open only for so long;
Because if my speech renders unwelcome sentiments;
My silence shall do well to replace all.
© 2023 Lilly S.D.
All Rights Reserved
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“Your choices and decisions are a reflection of how well you’ve set and followed your priorities.”
What would you prefer? Although I might appear choosy (yes, wordplay is in the works), my preference remains candid. I cherish mutual connections. Why would I allow myself to be an option to one when I can be a celebrated choice to another? Mull over it for an instant. With reference to our professions and careers, there would be times when we tend to get the short end of the stick. We can’t help but bite our tongues. At times, swallow our pride. It’s a given that we are evaluated based on the appreciation, recognition and accolades received at work. A man-made reality we are all made to dwell in. But I believe our personal lives are where we get to exercise the utmost liberty.
In my book, my personal life is my sacred temple. I am in full control of whom I choose to associate with or without. Why would I not owe myself a world of happiness? Why would I choose to betray my deepest feelings and thoughts? When there is a mutual bond between people, there is mutual growth. How can one expect qualities in another when they don’t possess the same? Would it be fair to the person who is giving their all and receiving none in return? Life has done a good job of changing our well-defined routes without the slightest bit of warning. Why would one choose to add to the agony instead of being mindful? Why would one choose to feel less than when they can feel on cloud nine?
It begins with how one perceives themselves. A realistic assessment of our qualities and personalities. How honest are you with yourself? Do you understand your wants and needs on a profound level? Do you know what brings you palpable peace? Are you acting for or against your innermost desires and wishes? Being untrue to yourself would result in you having to deal with the emptiness and resentment festering within you. Of being hollow instead of being whole. As much as we would like the other person to understand the turmoil within ourselves, pain isn’t transferrable. We have to live with ourselves day in, day out. Are you willing to allow your heart to break into shattered fragments each day? Would you be willing to take responsibility for failing your own self?
I would love to choose a person who is as excited to hear from me as I would from them. Someone who understands solemnity over my words. A person who reads between the lines when it gets difficult to express. Someone who sees contentment and joy in my eyes without a single syllable. A person who understands I am moulded with imperfections, flaws and foibles yet chooses me over others. Happiness is a choice. Sadness is a choice. As poetic as it sounds on paper, unrequited love, be it romantic or platonic, isn’t feasible for one’s spirit, mind and heart. One is only fooling one’s self. I need you to ask yourself this question: do you consider yourself worthy enough to be chosen over others?
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By reading one’s life stories virtually;
You can’t help but wonder;
What meeting in person would be like?
With a person so familiar;
Yet a lot to discover;
A vivid image birthed;
Yet pieces of a puzzle to uncover;
A variety of unique thoughts were conveyed;
Yet intense ones were left undelivered;
A flux of varying emotions expressed;
Yet the deepest ones submerged;
What would be the first words when faced with each other?
A bashful smile, perhaps?
Or a nervous laugh?
But realisation settles in;
And a winding distance begins to form;
Of continents proving division;
For a union so strong;
And then a sudden gust of swirling breeze;
Brushes across the apple of your cheek;
A slow, affectionate smile develops;
As you blow back in that direction;
An acknowledgement enveloped.
© 2023 Lilly S.D.
All Rights Reserved
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“Most people use their energy attempting to rearrange circumstances that trigger painful emotions. Changing external circumstances will not change your rigid patterns of emotional response. That requires looking at the patterns themselves.”
I believe we all embody a measure of emotional baggage that merges with our physical and mental identities. They either become an inherent part of our being or serve as reminders of an afflictive past. How we process and deal with those triggers determines the relationships we foster in our lives. It isn’t easy handling the circumference and longitude of emotions latched onto hurtful memories. Our responses and reactions would pave our destinies similarly. However, understanding what and who triggers you is a battle half won, for one can always distance or create healthy boundaries.
It takes a certain level of shadow work to accept one gets provoked. However, the heart of the matter remains that we are shot with bullets of reality to heal an aggravating part of ourselves. A part that is consuming and shrivelling one’s very own core of being. A part that is a deterrent to a desired lifestyle. I believe acceptance is a key factor here. Accepting that there are complex areas in your life that need rigorous work is when the wheels of change partake. You can’t bleed onto innocent, undeserving people and expect lasting relationships. Shifting blame to alter reality into a tailor-made one would only result in an unfavourable outcome. A reality, you would be forced to live with for the entirety of your time on this planet.
I read a beautiful verse from a book that stated, “What doesn’t kill you, doesn’t necessarily make you stronger”. In actuality, it leaves you encompassed with fears, insecurities, and inhibitions, which ultimately leads you astray from what you truly envision. Wounds left unattended, amplify and intensify with time. They may get concealed with unhealthy coping mechanisms but will have to be faced eye to eye in the form of regular triggers. A lack of accountability on your part will ultimately lead to a loss of true connections. One can’t stay broken and anticipate their world to be complete. Assigning others to carry your burden will only create a makeshift world where the characters you create remain fictitious in reality.
It is very crucial to assess one’s tone and use of language in a conversation. Prodding and poking people for no reason conveys unresolved chaos within you. Repetitive patterns, despite heart-to-heart conversations, signal a conscious decision. We will continue to revolve in a loop of distressing situations and people if we decide to remain unchanged. The fact to date remains: We can either obstinately close ourselves off to the future or intentionally repair and heal our pasts. Triggers are a source of growth if one perceives them to be. We become aware of where we lack control in our lives. Is it our raging emotions? Our stubborn, destructive thoughts? Confirmation biases? What is it that we need to change in ourselves that causes an irrational and unwelcome reaction to certain stimuli?
“Avoiding your triggers isn’t healing. Healing happens when you’re triggered and you’re able to move through the pain, the pattern and the story and walk to a different ending.”