Passionately Compassionate

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“Compassion is to look beyond your own pain, to see the pain of others.”

—Yasmin Mogahed

There have been a handful of people who have touched the depths of my soul. And at times, the very resonance scares the living daylights out of me. What if faced with circumstances that test the exact reasons for your bond? What if life decides to expose a side of yours you weren’t anticipating? Would you pass the conundrum? You see, I am the kind of person who thinks when no one else is thinking and feels when no one else is feeling. I just need you to surprise (shock) me with a situation and I get into all Terminator mode. Oh, don’t worry. I ain’t scanning you for a true match (or am I?), but I am scanning your brain for the next words uttered. Careful, your next choice of words might just be mine (me: mentally pre-playing the conversation already decided on your behalf).

It is very easy to feel compassion for a stranger. But what happens when a loved one has hurt you? How do you deal with the pain? How do you move past it? Do you become a monster as a result of it? During these times, I try to assess the situation, unbiasedly, and to the best of my ability. When faced with grim pitfalls, I tend to think logically and reason it out while keeping my emotions inaccessible. But those very feelings come to haunt me when in solitude. Those dreaded momentary pauses in between conversations. The failed attempts at numbing out the hurt. I used to assert my actions over theirs in my head. I would substitute my words in exchange for theirs had I been in their place. But was I right about doing so? Was I justified? Everyone processes a given situation uniquely. But what if one isn’t as accommodating as one would have hoped for?

Mind you, there are people whose actions and words are premeditated, insensitive, and selfish. I am not advocating naïveté and delusion in any way, shape or form. One must use their discerning judgment based on people and situations. I am referring to those who have no malicious intent. They are just in a hurting phase in their life and need guidance and acceptance. Now, the plot thickens. Have you moved past your pain as a result of their actions or words? Does the past define your present actions? One can’t expect a person to respond or react similarly as we all comprehend life with varied intensities. All we can do is to be understanding and give them time to heal. Give yourself time to heal. Mull over your own thoughts and emotions and how best to handle them.

Being compassionate doesn’t mean you haven’t felt pain or hurt. The beauty lies in the fact that you dispel darkness instead of letting it consume you whole. Your heart hasn’t turned into coal because someone else’s was. You are choosing to look beyond the pain experienced. Of not allowing life to dictate your character and personality. We have all been wronged at some point in our lives but we have all been defaulters at some point too. If we were granted compassion in the past, why not pay it forward to the one desperately working towards forgiveness? Being empathetic is a boon to possess in a world that propagates revenge and unrest. Would you like to join that budding community? Would you like to make a positive difference for the people who love you? For a heart that has truly felt anguish would never inflict the same on another.

P.S. Thank you to my fellow bloggers and writers for visiting my Instagram page. It was heart-warming to see familiar faces. 

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Emerging A Victor From Your Past

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“Every test in our life makes us bitter or better, every problem comes to break us or make us. The choice is ours, whether we become victim or victor.”

—Anonymous

I haven’t really come across a truly successful, enterprising person who hasn’t made peace with her/his past. A huge chunk of our prospects lies in how we perceive, acknowledge, and work through our ineffaceable bygones. Many a time, we are confronted with people who reveal aspects of our unhealed selves. We are tested time and again with a change of people but of repetitive circumstances. The results of which project an undesirable outcome one might outrightly deny admitting. Of being party to ignorance of correcting one’s self. Upon awareness, one gets to engage face-to-face with one’s past to carve out a present and future one could term as profitable.

The shift in the mindset of an individual from victim to victor lies in the acceptance of our voluntary and involuntary participation. When we perceive circumstances for what they were without changing the narrative. Of accepting emotional unavailability, pain, and anger having emerged as by-products of unpleasant outcomes. Of gaining wisdom through laborious and often persistent mistakes. In certain ways, one seeks solace in the fact that there will be apologies that you would never receive. And then there would be apologies that lack sincerity. At times, you would be required to let go of specific individuals that do more damage than good. But oftentimes, you would be expected to change parts of yourself that are destructive and self-limiting in nature.

Engaging in pity parties and blame games only worsen your mental and emotional clarity, per se. You are combating yourself to control a narrative that is clearly formulated for a subjective liking and comfort. It doesn’t change the situation, but it inevitably changes the outcome. An outcome you would so be capable of dodging had you chosen not to fall victim to. As much as one would like to control others, one can’t. Maybe till a certain juncture, but life takes traction thereon. The harder you fight against it, the harder it will take to heal. One can only try to do the best that one can at that fateful moment and choose to do better going forward. There will always be people and circumstances that challenge us. The question is: do they enrich us?

In my personal experience, it hasn’t been easy to draw the curtains on a complex past. To figuratively break old bones and grow new ones. Excruciatingly painful, yet so worth it. No matter how hard I may try, I can never resort to being my old self. It just doesn’t work for me anymore. Unfortunately, some people will remain a part of my past but not my present and future, as these are conscious decisions. I have contemplated simplifying life rather than complicating it. No person is worth putting my mental and emotional needs in the backseat. And for obvious reasons, the right ones will never subject you to do so. Many of us evolve with time and healing is a process that is ever-churning and requires our undivided attention. We are left to decide on how best to utilize our non-renewable time: learn from the past or recreate it. A survivor or a victor?

To Choose Or Be Chosen?

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“Your choices and decisions are a reflection of how well you’ve set and followed your priorities.”

—Elizabeth George

What would you prefer? Although I might appear choosy (yes, wordplay is in the works), my preference remains candid. I cherish mutual connections. Why would I allow myself to be an option to one when I can be a celebrated choice to another? Mull over it for an instant. With reference to our professions and careers, there would be times when we tend to get the short end of the stick. We can’t help but bite our tongues. At times, swallow our pride. It’s a given that we are evaluated based on the appreciation, recognition and accolades received at work. A man-made reality we are all made to dwell in. But I believe our personal lives are where we get to exercise the utmost liberty.

In my book, my personal life is my sacred temple. I am in full control of whom I choose to associate with or without. Why would I not owe myself a world of happiness? Why would I choose to betray my deepest feelings and thoughts? When there is a mutual bond between people, there is mutual growth. How can one expect qualities in another when they don’t possess the same? Would it be fair to the person who is giving their all and receiving none in return? Life has done a good job of changing our well-defined routes without the slightest bit of warning. Why would one choose to add to the agony instead of being mindful? Why would one choose to feel less than when they can feel on cloud nine?

It begins with how one perceives themselves. A realistic assessment of our qualities and personalities. How honest are you with yourself? Do you understand your wants and needs on a profound level? Do you know what brings you palpable peace? Are you acting for or against your innermost desires and wishes? Being untrue to yourself would result in you having to deal with the emptiness and resentment festering within you. Of being hollow instead of being whole. As much as we would like the other person to understand the turmoil within ourselves, pain isn’t transferrable. We have to live with ourselves day in, day out. Are you willing to allow your heart to break into shattered fragments each day? Would you be willing to take responsibility for failing your own self?

I would love to choose a person who is as excited to hear from me as I would from them. Someone who understands solemnity over my words. A person who reads between the lines when it gets difficult to express. Someone who sees contentment and joy in my eyes without a single syllable. A person who understands I am moulded with imperfections, flaws and foibles yet chooses me over others. Happiness is a choice. Sadness is a choice. As poetic as it sounds on paper, unrequited love, be it romantic or platonic, isn’t feasible for one’s spirit, mind and heart. One is only fooling one’s self. I need you to ask yourself this question: do you consider yourself worthy enough to be chosen over others?

Serenity In Plain Sight

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“From serenity comes gentleness, comes lasting strength.”

—Pam Brown

The efficacy of certain people emanates an aura of gentleness and stability. Their very presence soothes your pulsating nerves, galloping hither and thither. You find that a booming thunderstorm within the realms of your laboured mind quietens with a snap of a finger. A rush of vehement emotions and thoughts reduces to a dull roar in the distance. An agitated heart begins to absorb droplets of renewed solace. I stand in awe of the carefully chosen affirmative words spilling out of their untiring mouths. Consistency in measurable amounts of action. Radiation of affection and care for those with wide open arms. Amongst the unruly mess concocted around; a rare sight to behold.

We needn’t seek such people, for they are available in plain sight. Wedged in between the bulk of our minds and hearts; devoid of a pleasing vision. Laden in simple attire amongst glittering apparel. A natural spectacle amongst outlandish ambition. Their authenticity introduces them before comprehension. One needs to fine-tune their ears to the frequency bequeathed. It requires a deliberate choice in the making. Of shutting doors to an over-kneaded past. Of surrendering to circumstances beyond one’s control. Of being unequivocally present. The decision is best left to one to figure out: the calm or the chaos?