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“Every test in our life makes us bitter or better, every problem comes to break us or make us. The choice is ours, whether we become victim or victor.”
—Anonymous
I haven’t really come across a truly successful, enterprising person who hasn’t made peace with her/his past. A huge chunk of our prospects lies in how we perceive, acknowledge, and work through our ineffaceable bygones. Many a time, we are confronted with people who reveal aspects of our unhealed selves. We are tested time and again with a change of people but of repetitive circumstances. The results of which project an undesirable outcome one might outrightly deny admitting. Of being party to ignorance of correcting one’s self. Upon awareness, one gets to engage face-to-face with one’s past to carve out a present and future one could term as profitable.
The shift in the mindset of an individual from victim to victor lies in the acceptance of our voluntary and involuntary participation. When we perceive circumstances for what they were without changing the narrative. Of accepting emotional unavailability, pain, and anger having emerged as by-products of unpleasant outcomes. Of gaining wisdom through laborious and often persistent mistakes. In certain ways, one seeks solace in the fact that there will be apologies that you would never receive. And then there would be apologies that lack sincerity. At times, you would be required to let go of specific individuals that do more damage than good. But oftentimes, you would be expected to change parts of yourself that are destructive and self-limiting in nature.
Engaging in pity parties and blame games only worsen your mental and emotional clarity, per se. You are combating yourself to control a narrative that is clearly formulated for a subjective liking and comfort. It doesn’t change the situation, but it inevitably changes the outcome. An outcome you would so be capable of dodging had you chosen not to fall victim to. As much as one would like to control others, one can’t. Maybe till a certain juncture, but life takes traction thereon. The harder you fight against it, the harder it will take to heal. One can only try to do the best that one can at that fateful moment and choose to do better going forward. There will always be people and circumstances that challenge us. The question is: do they enrich us?
In my personal experience, it hasn’t been easy to draw the curtains on a complex past. To figuratively break old bones and grow new ones. Excruciatingly painful, yet so worth it. No matter how hard I may try, I can never resort to being my old self. It just doesn’t work for me anymore. Unfortunately, some people will remain a part of my past but not my present and future, as these are conscious decisions. I have contemplated simplifying life rather than complicating it. No person is worth putting my mental and emotional needs in the backseat. And for obvious reasons, the right ones will never subject you to do so. Many of us evolve with time and healing is a process that is ever-churning and requires our undivided attention. We are left to decide on how best to utilize our non-renewable time: learn from the past or recreate it. A survivor or a victor?
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