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“It is quite amazing how hard the subconscious works when it is made to understand that this life is not a rehearsal, there is no safety net and no assurance of any final closure. It is also quite appalling to realize how catatonic the imagination can become when we hedge our bets, opt for the safer direction at every fork in the path.” – John Burdett
A lot can be divulged about the way a person treats you. Our imaginations run wild when we speculate about the world and the people in it through predisposed lenses. Our perceptions draw illusions that conceal the truth of what they are. Without confining closure to romantic relationships, I am writing about the effects of it in a generic sense. When any relationship ends, we duel harder to comprehend the void experienced. We conjure up situations and conversations in our heads, trying to make sense of what we had witnessed. During those times, reality blurs in and out due to cognitive bias. What if we are all grasping at straws in the process? What if the answers lie right in front of our unrelenting faces?
Because of an emotional investment in a relationship, many fail to release it initially or at all in their lifetimes. We try to assure ourselves of having chosen correctly or of making the right decision about a person. We allow ourselves to get treated in a certain way, unaware of the palpable ending we are subjecting ourselves to. I have observed that everyone understands, yet not everyone accepts reality for what it is. Due to being emotionally involved, we feel the need to defend our choices and logical reasoning for the fear of being judged as wrong. We would rather live in delusion than agree to have acted poorly. You could do everything in your power to sustain the relationship. However, it depends on an individual to be a party to it.
The way a person connects with you in a relationship says it all. Based on the affection, respect, and care displayed, one can predict the course of the relationship. We do notice the signs on the way, yet we choose not to act upon them. Unfortunately, we as humans love to chase people who are emotionally and mentally unavailable. Can one call it an exhilarating challenge? Are humans, projects to be worked upon? Will it have a lasting result? (All rhetorical questions, never mind them.) Thrills are as fickle as a feather. A challenge ends for another to begin. Working on a hypothetical project will leave you unnerved. The way a person speaks to and about you, and their actions should be ideal indicators. Harrowing to accept? Of course! Does the realization set you free? Like a bird on an adventure spree.
Seeking closure only makes a person pine for unattainable peace. I believe acceptance starts when one understands their worth and what one deserves. Choosing to view people as they are, liberates one’s soul. You cannot hold on to something that never existed. Self-respect or a lack of it determines the way people choose to treat you. Would you decide to be disloyal to your value? A contemplative reflection on the relationship unveils an undisclosed truth about its nature of being. At times we need to read between the lines, for every word and action or a lack of them, elects your future status. To love is to allow the freedom of choice. To control is a finishing fight to defeat.
“Sometimes the only closure you need is understanding that you deserve better.” – Trent Shelton